Monday, May 10, 2010

My first Magpie writing

This is my first attempt at a Magpie story.  This one is based on actual events I witnessed.  I really have no idea what was going on in the character's head though, so I'm improvising.  Here goes.

     He sits in the crowded ER patient room; one of 12 other patients.  He's  feeling ignored and irritated, even the police officer sitting right outside his room is paying him no attention.  Five hours has gone by and he has seen a nurse once and has yet to see a doctor.  Just because he came in handcuffs, they think they can ignore him and give him less than thorough treatment.  They'll think twice about that soon enough.  The headache is still there, hasn't eased up at all for three days.  The tylenol they gave him five hours ago hasn't even touched it.  He watches nurse after nurse, doctor after doctor pass by in a hurry with not even a glance towards him, as though the other patients are more important. 
     Finally, a nurse comes in to start an IV.  She attempts in his right arm, but he jerks and yells when the needle enters the skin. The vein turns blue and there is now a bruise left in the needle's place.  She doesn't even offer an apology, just a sarcastic sigh.  She attempts to stick his left arm at the bend of his elbow, this time calling for assistance.  A male nurse enters the room and holds him down.  He feels like a three year old and his agitation is building.  The nurses continue to hold him while they secure the now in place IV.   He's angry and can feel his face redden.  They won't even look him in the eyes or speak to him.  Next, he is carted off to CT scan, the police officer in tow.  The scan is uneventful and he is brought back to his room several minutes later to once again be ignored. 
     After what seems an eternity, a young boy who doesn't look more than 22 comes in and introduces himself as a resident and tells him the CT scan shows nothing and they can find nothing wrong with him.  They will be discharging him back to the jail now.  He can't take it any longer. Six hours in the ER with little attention and absolutely no respect pushes him to his limit. They can't even send in a real doctor; just one in training to tell him he's imagining his pain.  The headache is still present and no less than before.  He can't take the constant throbbing and his thoughts are all jumbled.  He snaps. His right hand flies up to his right eye, his fingers dig in, and within just a few seconds his eye is yanked from the socket and flying towards the resident's back as he is exiting.  It misses and rolls to the floor.  The resident turns around speechless as he sits there grinning from ear to ear.  The pain from his eye has eased the pain from his head. He lays back on the bed satisfied with his actions, chuckling. 
    Finally, he gets the attention he's been waiting six hours for.  Doctors and nurses gather around his room to see his missing eye and the eyeball now sitting in a sterile container floating in sterile water.  He's even going to get a psychiatric evaluation now.  He won't be going back to jail tonite. 


  1. holy...that was intense...i could totally see it happening but it is disturbing...the lengths to which he must go to get treatment...nice magpie!

    so glad you joined us this week!

  2. girl, this was gruesome but i found myself thinking what else was the poor fella to do?? i suppose he could have screamed loudly or broken something expensive but then they would have simply carted him away. i can see why the 'pulling the ol' eyeball trick' worked ;)
    this magpie was awesome, and i can hardly believe it was your first!

  3. Mesmerizing and true. A well told tale.

  4. Disturbing and an interesting take on this Magpie -- odd but true with the frustration of not being heard, respected even.... although this is an extreme situation that took on a life of its own for the sake of a story,,,, Hollywood would love you.


  5. Awesome tale, well told. Love your imagination.

  6. ICK!!! I could even hear some splunky sounds.

  7. Yowza. That's one way to avoid the clink, I suppose.

  8. Whew. That really happened. Talk about dramatic. Well written too.

  9. wow a beginning/ a middle/ and a great end!


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