Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Last night, I fell asleep fast.  I am physically and emotionally draining myself.  I did have some crazy dreams that I can't completely recall, but left me with that uneasy feeling upon waking.  I woke early having fallen asleep once again on the couch, but couldn't bare to get up and get started.  I laid there until 1145 this morning; I think depression may have found me.

I haven't found myself crying in over a week, but the sadness and the dull ache continues to show their presence.    I know I need to move on; I really do.  I need to stop dwelling on him being with her and married.  It breaks my heart and makes me sick on my stomach whenever those thoughts seize me.

After this, am I ever going to be able to feel love for someone else?  Will I be comfortable and able to trust another?  Will I forever be alone because of how broken this has made me?

I am already finding myself looking forward to the weekend hoping to hear from him.  What if I don't? Will I be devastated all over again?  What am I doing to myself?

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