relapsing

This morning is not such a good one.  I have no energy or desire to get started with the day.  I have to go to my Gram's viewing today and I'm just not emotional together.  When is the pain he caused going to go away?  Why can't I just pull myself out of this depression? 

I havent' heard from him in over a month.  Not one single word.  How is it possible that I still yearn to hear from him, to talk to him?  He has broken me. 

I need to know that I meant a little something, but maybe I didn't.  I think the question I need answered is "why?" but I may never get that answer...