Saturday, January 30, 2010

the message

Gram's funeral service was today.   It was really good to see my aunts and uncles with my mom, all together for the first time in about ten years.  It's sad that it took a tragedy to get that to happen.  The service was good; the preacher made us laugh and think about some good memories of Gram.  I grew sad, though, when I realized I was the only one alone.  Everyone, except me, had a "partner".  How selfish is that? I'm at my Gram's funeral feeling sad because I am alone-because he broke my heart.  I wasn't looking forward to coming home.

But I knew I had to eventually read the message from him.  So, I did.  He didn't mention anything about his marriage or my gram.  He simply apologized for not keeping in touch and had the usual "busy" excuse.  He promised to keep in touch more.  How do I respond?

I could play dumb.  Pretend I don't know he's married.  It's not like I will ever see him again.  Or I could confront him and tell him what I know and maybe one day be able to move on-find someone who will love me.  For now I responded by telling him about my gram and sending a "hope you are good. Keep in touch when you can."  I couldn't bring myself to confront him just yet.  I have to keep reminding myself that he is a liar and he is married.  The sad thing is that for the first time this month, I have just an ounce of joy in my heart.  How sick is that?

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