Monday, January 25, 2010

first step to mending

My heart is broken like it has never been before.  I don't even know where to begin to start mending it, and so I thought maybe I could journal my way to healing.  I have always been so blase` about men until this last one.  I was all in; he was the one.  I fell hard.  I think the worst part of this whole situation is that in the end I realized how little I meant to him.  15 months I gave to him, and then he dropped me like a hot plate without an oven mitt and without an explanation.  There was no warning about what else was taking place. 

I have spent the last three weeks in a bit of shock, now that the over-bearing sadness has turned into a dull but ever present ache in my chest.  The man, whom I thought was the one, married someone else three weeks ago.  He talked to me just three days before this "committment" of his.  He told me how he wished he was with me (instead of three hours away), that he was really glad he met me, and that he thought I was an awesome person.  Was that his way of saying goodbye??

1 comment:

  1. i was intrigued by the writer's purpose so i decided to take a gander at the beginning. this is my usual MO when it comes to long time bloggers.

    these words though... god they hit me so hard. its cool to read your last post where you are finally at peace and then sojourn my way here. sending a smile and a tip of the hat your way...


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