Tuesday, January 26, 2010

this morning

This morning, I woke up sad with thoughts of him on my mind.  I think about him with his new wife.  I have mean thoughts-hoping he's not happy with her or her with him.  Does he think about me at all?  I sometimes want to ask him, but wouldn't it be better just to let it go?  It's not like I am going to change anything.  Marriage is so "permanent", but  I guess not quite as much these days.  He hasn't tried to communicate with me in any form.  I think I'm struggling with this because we talked all the time and just to all of a sudden not...I miss him.  I wish I didn't.  I wish my days weren't filled with thoughts of him.

I want to stop thinking about them together because it breaks my heart.  I don't even know her; she may be a wonderful person.   I wouldn't think she ever knew about me.

In an effort to heal, I've been keeping myself exhaustingly busy these past three weeks with work and friends.  Thank God for my friends!  I can't take sitting around alone.  I don't want to cry anymore.

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